Thursday, January 17, 2008

Jan 30th-- the day "Silentbanker" wrecks Victoria

Symantec is reporting the threat of the "Silentbanker" Trojan. That's not the concern. My concern is that a local TV channel, A-Channel News, reported it as a sky-is-falling catastrophe. Symantec reports it as a low-level threat. According to the news report, we're all doomed; and in a life imitiating art example, we actually be doomed.
The reporter went to a "security expert" who said that the trojan fouled up midi playback. His suggestion: go and download a midi player, test a midi. Yup: free software from unqualified websites-- they're always the safest place to go.
So here's how this will play out:
Thursday at dinner: Chicken Little reports that Silentbanker will destroy us all.
Thursday night: Following the suggestion of a guy with an office in the back of computer store warehouse, Vancouver Island residents flock out to the Internet. They get the good midi players and test their systems.
Friday morning (10:00-10:30): Water cooler talk spreads this story through the government offices peppered around Victoria.
Friday afternoon: Hackers, get out of bed, ask their mothers/girlfriends to bring a Coke up to their room. They figure out that you should distribute Silentbanker disguised inside of a midi player. Hackers find code from 1995, combine it with some ActiveX controls and upload Midi players to download sites.
Friday night: Victoria residents look online for a midi-player to download and test for the precense of Silentbanker. The test passes (the hacker figured a workaround).
Saturday: Throngs of Victorians do online banking since the test passed.
Monday: Local credit unions notice that alot of their customers bought lottery tickets in the Ukraine and zeroed out their accounts. They try to make good and restore the balances of some of the accounts. Unfortunately for them, their wealthy customers are also their stupid customers-- they lose large balances. Big banks, experiencing the same problem, add a menu option to their toll-free support: "Press 7 if your live in Victoria"-- that sends you to a voice mailbox that no one at the bank listens to.
Tuesday: Scandal rocks the local credit unions.
Thursday: All of the credit unions have gone through emergency mergers. By the time this is done, all of our credit unions are rebranded as "Walmart Credit Store"
Friday: the big banks have liquidated their locations and laid off their staff. In their place, MoneyMarts.

Elsewhere in the world: this won't happen. Victoria is the Mecca for stupid people. It's why I live here.

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